Sunday, January 09, 2005
God: Needs Improvement
At my company we do annual employee reviews where everyone is assigned a performance rating as follows:
1) Unacceptable
2) Needs Improvement
3) Meets Expectations
4) Exceeds Expectations
5) Exceptional
I have to give reviews, which is not my favorite part of the job. Every year it makes me a bit crazy, and Mrs. Joesblog has to endure a few weeks of me classifying everything I encounter in life as one of the above. So, the meatloaf Exceeds Expectations, the service at Sol's Cocina Needs Improvement, this morning's traffic and the cat's behavior are both Unacceptable, etc.
Here at my company we're coming up on annual review time again, which is perfect timing for this Slate piece on Jehovah's recent performance. Seems the author thinks God Needs Improvement :
Centuries of uncritical worship have clearly produced a monster. God knows that he can sit passively by while human life is wantonly mowed down, and the next day, churches, synagogues, and mosques will be filled with believers thanking him for allowing the survivors to survive.
[...]
It is a sad fact of human relations that unqualified adulation often produces from the adored one contempt and a kick in the chops, rather than gratitude and kindness. Apparently, the same applies to human-divine relations.
Hopefully God will take the hint after his review, because the next step after a bad review is, of course, a Performance Improvement Plan. God Almighty, you don't want to be put on a PIP, trust me.
(God's negative review should dispel the widely-held belief around here that you have to walk on water to get an Exceptional rating. Even if you do walk on water, you may still Need Improvement...)
